Happy Landings aviation humor


Man Will Never Fly Memorial Society

Frosted Beaver Chapter
Ontario, Canada

Our motto: "A beaver in the hand is worth two in the bush."

To: Jim Flybuoy2, chairman of the bored, MWNF Memorial Society
Subject: Chapter Report 2008
From: Garth Wallace, secretary (the only who can read and write)

Dear Jim,
The boys at the Frosted Beaver Chapter are busy getting ready to celebrate the 100th Anniversary of the first flight of an aircraft in Canada. This supposedly happened on a frozen lake in Nova Scotia on February 23, 1909.
Now before you make jokes about the extra time it took Canadians to invent something that had already been invented by the Wright Brothers, remember it’s dark and cold up here six months of the year. We don’t have the hot air that blows in large quantities south of our border. The group claiming this first flight had to overcome more obstacles than the brothers Wright.

To keep warm, working on the ice, the group drank Newfoundland Screech. This is a potent maritime liquor made by boiling and distilling the dregs from Jamaican rum barrels.
The team of five stayed well lit but the night flying navigation candles on the wingtips would not. They solved that with red and green fireworks from the holiday season.

The problem of keeping the pilot sober and warm was fixed with beaver-wear; that’s underwear made from beaver pelts with the fur turned inside. It made the would-be pilot warm and excited.
To help the pilot fly in the dark, the group invented the cat and duck method of navigation. Cats can see in the dark and they always know which way is up. Ducks hate flying at night. The pilot was to watch the cat to stay upright and throw out the duck when he wanted to find the ground.

Much time was lost locating the right cat. Most of them wanted to mate the duck or eat it. Finally, an old cat named Lord Beaverbrook was found. The old Tom had used up most of his nine lives so he was willing to let the duck lead them home. Hence the expression, "Lord love a duck."

We know that men will never fly but you couldn’t convince these guys. They worked, cold and drunk, in the dark, and claimed that their aircraft flew. They snapped a picture to prove it.

First flight of an aircraft in Canada

The Frosted Beaver Chapter of MWNF is building an aircraft for the 100th Anniversary Celebration. It’s not really a replica but it conforms to the spirit of the event. We are busy emptying Jamaican rum barrels so we can brew Screech from the dregs. We plan to nail the empty barrels together to make the aircraft. It won’t have any wings or engine but it will still have the same chance of flying as the Wright Brothers’ replica in 2003.

We’re not sure what to do for a cat. Each one we’ve tried licks the barrels, gets drunk and can’t stand up, let alone find up.
For the anniversary, we’ll haul our aircraft onto a frozen lake in the dark, drink the Screech, light the fireworks and run around in our beaver underwear.
We’ll send you a picture.

Happy landings to all,
Garth Wallace, MWNF Frosted Beaver Chapter